Recently, I felt deeply wounded by actions of a certain someone who I cared and respected so much. The said person has helped me through hard times, and provided me with aid when I needed most. I was moved and truly overwhelmed by this person’s kindness and had inspired me to do the same to others one fine day.

Fast forward to almost a year later, I found my high school best friend to be in a similar situation I was in, and wanted to pay forward the kindness that certain someone has showed me. And I did. Little did I know, a few weeks later, this said person would request back one of the things that was gifted to me a year ago. However in her words, this one item was loaned to me, not gifted. This request of the specific item was raised just an hour after I had re-posted my friend’s posting on the items gifted to her by me (including that said item that I have passed on to her) on social media. My first thought was… what have I done? I felt disrupted, and was ashamed with the misinterpretation I’ve had all along. Had I known all along everything was just loaned to me, I would’ve given them all back once I no longer needed them. I carefully opened and re-read the hand-written letter that was sent to me together with the items, to make sure I was not misinterpreting anything.

“I’ve packed a couple of things you might want to try or use in your xxxxxxxxxx journey. No offense taken if you’re not comfortable with any of the items —- let me know and you can return it or pass it to another xxxx friend!”

Nothing in the letter hinted at anything being loaned, but it didn’t matter anymore, all I was thinking of was that I should be ashamed of myself for taking other people’s kindness for granted and how selfish I was for keeping them all to myself, then passing it on to others. How foolish, how naive.

Maybe as a reader, you may have thought that I was indeed in the wrong, and if it’s very obvious that it is my fault, I am very sorry for being oblivious about it.

This incident taught me invaluable lessons. Social media is a toxic environment, that fuels the worst out of a situation, even if the message is a positive one. Secondly, never take kindness from others blatantly. It comes with many risks and consequences. However thankful and touched we feel about it, people evolve, and they can leverage that against you.

All in all, any issues between myself and this said person have been resolved. But, I can never forget this incident as it changed my perspective towards a person I thought was a guardian angel to me, a person I respected most, and looked up to, for the kindness this person has radiated to me and others. In the end, my intention of spreading the same kindness that inspired me, bit me in the back, and worst of all, left me feeling like I was the worst person on earth for taking others’ for granted.

Life lesson for me (and maybe others too): Do kindness for Allah, and only Him, never for others. Never do it so you can get recognition from mere humans, but do it cos you know Allah will reward you tenfold later on. If you do it for Him, you will never expect anything in return, never be disappointed with the consequences, and never be displeased with how your kindness resonate with others. In the end, Allah is the only audience that matters.